the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
