just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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