Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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