guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
