I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
