i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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