I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YAS. BRING CRAB.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
