If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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