Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
