Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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