Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
