i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i've created a new STD.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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