i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
