I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
