And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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