My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We just shotgunned beers for America
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
