Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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