i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
