Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
