i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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