he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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