His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
