I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
