I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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