I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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