The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
