I'm so fucking centered right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
