seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
