there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
