I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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