My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
