I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
