I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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