I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
