he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
