it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
