so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
