Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
