ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
