why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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