Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
