One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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