We're facebook friends in real life
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
