He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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