so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
