glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
