I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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