Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
