she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
