I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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