After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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