dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So squirting runs in the family.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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